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Mr Blue...

Mr Red: Oh dear! Here we are hurtling towards Valentine's Day again. All the media guff about lurv, and buying roses etc is suffocating. There was much advertising for the Sunday Times promising a colour supplement explaining this love stuff! So off I went to buy one. No serious expectations of enlightenment - I just wondered whether the rest of the world had begun to catch up.
Not at all... All the contributions bar one were from women - like they have some monopoly on feelings! Ha! It was a bit like putting vampires in charge of the blood bank!
Now I don't doubt that women and men both share similar feelings in those initial gooey moments. Those beautiful days where you think of each other constantly and can't get enough of each other (and your bodies). The big difference is in what the two sexes decide to do with those feelings.
Men feeling Romantic Love feel the urge to look after their beloved.
Women in love decide to allow themselves to be looked after.
Men decide to give things.
Women decide to take.
And the rot sets in....
What all seems so good and natural at first is so easily corrupted. Sure, there are plenty of men who renege on the deal and try to get something for nothing. But it now seems to have become an acceptable and institutionalised role for the stereotypical woman to cheat. Not cheat in sex, but cheat on the implicit deal in the partnership that each contributes something. Men write poetry, sing songs, declare love - and women just hoover it up like emotional vacuum cleaners and move on to the next mug leaving an emotional wasteland behind them.

Nature has evolved a complex system of give 'n take that has the evolutionary biologists arguing long into the night, but they agree that in every species there have to be enough gains on both sides that both partners will benefit by sticking to it. All manner of ducking and diving and infidelity can be explained by some fractional advantage to either the species or to that individual. But now we have entered a new century with an entire new species of "women" having evolved to believe that they have licence to perpetrate the most outrageous rip-offs with no consequence... It's like some alien parasites have landed!
Many are getting away with it because their appalling behaviour has come to have the backing of some ridiculously biased laws - and even some spurious moral legitimacy arising from the crazed rantings of Germaine Bloody Greer and the like.

There is a rule in biology that although there is a sort of pyramid of species, there has to be a balance. Captain Kirk won't ever fly off and find a planet entirely inhabited by carnivores, will he? If the carnivores get too successful, the herbivores begin to die out and all the carnivores die of starvation. Similarly, the most successful parasites actually leave their victims sufficiently strong to get better and supply another meal next year - a parasite that kills its host also starves. But this new alien species of "Women" is running amok, hoovering up all the love and affection until they get bored, grabbing all the prezzies until some bigger wallet turns up, acting like the biggest parasites that Planet Earth has yet produced - and then tittering into their handbags like it's all some big joke. And they are supposed to be the "sensitive" ones!

Will there be consequences? Well you and I, Mr Blue, are just the tip of an iceberg. Cynicism and even disgust about these new, modern "women" is beginning to be muttered. Men burnt a few times are starting to learn and change their ways. Men are teaching their sons.

Back 30 years ago, blokes like me read The Female Eunuch and agreed with what we read. I remember recommending it to many women that I knew. Men had the whip hand, we made the decisions, we said what went and what didn't. Those poor women in ancient times got the love and the looking after and the prezzies, but at a price that was far too high. So we modern men went off on a search for the Holy Clitoris, we studied the way of the Female Orgasm, we liberated them from obedience, drudgery and every other fucking thing that they wanted liberating from. We set them free. And are they happy? Like fuck they are.
Germaine Bloody Greer has unleashed a Horde of ladettes who think that existential fulfillment comes with pissing it up the wall like the most moronic of men, stitching up the blokes with "unexpected pregnancies", then stitching up their bank accounts with divorce settlements that make the Treaty of Versailes look like a charity whip-round.
(Did you hear the good one recently? Golfer Colin Montgomerie had to give up half of his £30 million fortune to his ex-wife as a divorce settlement. That's half what he has earned by being one of the world's top golfers. Her original reason for divorcing him? He was away too much playing golf!)
I don't know about you, but I can pin the clitoris on a donkey at a hundred paces and I'm a Zen master in the art of the female orgasm - and usually teach more to women than they have ever bothered to learn for themselves. Their breathless gratitude usually lasts until they meet someone with a more liberal attitude to his credit card...

Again, are they happy? Well, if it is better to give than to receive then I should be bloody ecstatic. And they should be bloody miserable.
And you know, I don't actually feel too bad. I feel that what I have done is OK. I have treated people with love, affection, and respect. I have given with my heart, and with my love, and with my wallet - and I have self-respect for it. I have given what I wanted to give.
The ladies? Bellies full of beer, babies, love, money, and anything else they can gobble up. And a terrible emptiness inside their souls, most of them. What was offered without strings, what was given with love, what was there for the taking, has been snatched without gratitude or thanks. They have the self-respect of some-one who has stolen a church collection box.

The one thing that Germaine Bloody Greer forgot to tell them was that freedom is a two-edged sword. Like the man who, through the ages, has decided on a career as a rapist, a mugger, a thief in the night, they wake up the next morning with everything they ever wanted - and the certain knowledge that they are without friends and without respect and without worth.
The deal was always about give and take. That's natural. That's where we come together to propogate the species. When we set them free to renegotiate the deal, we didn't give them carte blanche to steal everything on the table. If they want something more lasting than a fast buck, they have to come back and talk... (Don't hold your breath.)
And how difficult is it to reward a man for his love? (Click here.)

Bitter? Moi?
No. Lots of memories; no hope left; and eyes wide open...

Mr Blue : I can't be quite that hard on them. I'd give Janet Street Porter a little credit when, in a recent T.V. program, she made the observation that women have achieved most of what they had been fighting for and yet were more miserable than ever. She tried so hard to blame men but the simple inescapable reality is that women are motivated by envy and jealousy of each other far more than they ever are by men. From the clothes they wear to the silicone implants, all is motivated by their desire to compete with other women – poor fool the man who thinks it's for him.

In all honesty, I don't think that men really figure much in a women's world view on any meaningful level. The last date I went on involved taking a women out to a restaurant and listening to her banter on about something or other as she indulged herself in the attention and money lavished upon on her. Half way through the meal I thought to myself “What am I doing here with this woman?” If the hour or so I'd spent with her were something I'd bought in a shop I would have demanded my money back returning her as being unfit for the purpose for which she was bought – I've stopped dating now. If they are truly from Venus, I'm up for the next flight to Mars.

Mr Red : Keep as colours like in Reservoir Dogs, Mr Blue?

I have the courage of my convictions regarding free speech – but I would also love to keep my testicles! This whole exercise only has a point if we speak our minds – and that will not go down well with half the population…

I'm glad that this will be a cathartic exercise for you. But fun too.

Like you, I have always been a romantic. Often called “a ladies' man”. Wearing my heart on my sleeve. The trouble is that that is a recipe for getting chewed up by the aliens. They love it right up until the moment they want something else – then you are history.

Sadly, I'm so disillusioned I can't salivate any more. However delectable the body, I just can't get over the fact that it disguises a woman – and they are dangerous. And tragically stupid. Not an ounce of insight in the whole bunch of ‘em…

11-2-06: So what shall we call ourselves - please, not "Ollie"? How about you being "Miso" and me being "Gynist"? Maybe just colours; I can be blue and you can be green? Anyway, it'll be good to get some things off my chest.  

Isn't it an oddity that in a land of free speech we are hiding behind anonymity? Don't we have the courage of our convictions? Or is expressing an honest view of women, if not politically correct, on a par with printing cartoons of Mohamed?  

I'd like to say up front that I have been a lifelong romantic who has loved and idolized women with an all consuming passion and boy did they consume me!  

Nowadays, I feel like one of Pavlov's dogs salivating at the sight and scent of a women only to find that there's no dinner on the plate - maybe I'll stop salivating soon? What do you think?

10-2-06: Well Ollie, we seem to have made a decision – publish and be damned!

Why do I call you Ollie? Well, I reckon that the future generations of readers who will regard us with awe as icons of social change will need names so that they can identify with us more easily. They will detect differences in our style and need to have names for us. And the “ladies” will need something to write on the placards around the dummies' necks as they throw them on the bonfires! So I thought Stan & Ollie – but in these days of so-called equality, your opinion will count of course. It could just as well be Butch & Sundance. Or Derek & Clive. Your call…

And the name? Well, I tried to think of something other than “misogynist”; even went to an Internet Thesaurus, and found no synonyms. It lists misogynist and other words as synonyms of something or other – and one of the other synonyms was Stag as in bachelor etc. So I just picked that for our first attempt, but again your opinion is valued. Misogynist meaning “woman hater” is so extreme and doesn't describe our position at all. Haters of women's behaviour maybe, but not women haters eh? The only other alternative I have bumped onto is “gynophobe”, which I don't rate. The “phobe” suffix indicates irrational fear, and a fear of women is certainly not irrational! So we're up there in cyberspace on the Interweb thingy with a dummy name to start with, and we can get a domain name once we have finished squabbling…

There's no way we are designing this as a blog. No way are we having a bunch of crazed feminists clogging up our site with their opinions. That would be too much like home! But I think we should offer a web-based email address so that fans can write to us. That way our admirers have a way to express their love and admiration, and the girls have a way to… oh who gives a toss what the girls want to express? Most of them will have to find a bloke to turn on their PC and log on anyway.

So just reply by adding your comments at the top of this and the dialogue-to-change-the-world will commence! Oh, sorry. I don't need to explain how it works, do I, coz you're a bloke…

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